Rocket to the Flat Earth Dome
Social Media Livestream:
“Hey, everybody, Mike here! And I am coming at you from my super-secret rocket base, somewhere in North America!”
Location: Mojave Desert
“I am gearing up to show the world what flat earthers have known since the beginning of time. THE EARTH IS FLAT!”
Comment: Flatearth1: You didn’t turn off your location!
“I’ve built my own rocket and am ready to launch high into the sky with my camera, so everyone will see that the Earth is flat! I am going to expose this whole Illuminati, Templar, lizard people conspiracy!”
Comment: Pancakeplanet12: They know where you are!
“Science is fake! I’ve built this rocket to prove that science is fake!”
Comment: Nye12: Science created the Internet :/
“There haven’t been any real advances in science since the Victorian era when steam power came into vogue, and that is what my rocket is based on – STEAM POWER!”
Comment: Autodude17: Because steam worked so well for cars…
“Ever since ‘The Rocketeer’ movie, I’ve always wanted to be a rocket man. Not the rocket man that Trump was talking about, the kind of rocket man in Elton John’s song! ‘All this science, I don’t understand!’ His rocket man was a real blue-collar worker – just like me! Anyway, ‘The Rocketeer’ proved that man could fly with a jet pack powered by ‘old’ technology.”
Comment: Astronutz45: The moon landing was faked!
“So here’s the rocket that’s going to take me to the Flat Earth Dome! So, I am no engineer because, SCIENCE! But I did a lot of reading on steam power, man it must’ve been like 30 graphic novels, and I figured that I could build anything and power it with steam. I don’t know how to use a forge, and gears are outside of mu purview, but I did find some amazing pressure cookers on sale at Wal-Mart. Thanks to all of the backers of my project, I’ve been able to… Just a minute…”
Comment: CTFE4ever: They sealed it shut!
“Let me get this flap down…”
Comment: RocketBuilder56: That’s good construction! It’ll withstand the rigors of the launch.
“Ahh! There it is! Using the power of steam, I have plugged in these pressure cookers and rigged them so each row releases its pressure simultaneously. I’ve got 5 rows of 6 pressure cookers each, and they should get me to the top of the dome. I’ve done the calculations and they’ll release a lot of pressure! I don’t know exactly how much because I’m not a mathematician, but it’s a lot.”
Comment: CarpetCleaner345: The power of steam!
“Now, I’m ready! I’ll just climb into the cockpit and be on my way. Let me just reattach… I’ll just put this flap… You know what, I’m going to have to get a wrench. They’re at home…”
Livestream ended…
This is purely written as a parody. Any reference to people living or dead is purely coincidental. The Illuminati, lizard people and Templars do not exist. That’s what we want you to believe.
“Hey, everybody, Mike here! And I am coming at you from my super-secret rocket base, somewhere in North America!”
Location: Mojave Desert
“I am gearing up to show the world what flat earthers have known since the beginning of time. THE EARTH IS FLAT!”
Comment: Flatearth1: You didn’t turn off your location!
“I’ve built my own rocket and am ready to launch high into the sky with my camera, so everyone will see that the Earth is flat! I am going to expose this whole Illuminati, Templar, lizard people conspiracy!”
Comment: Pancakeplanet12: They know where you are!
“Science is fake! I’ve built this rocket to prove that science is fake!”
Comment: Nye12: Science created the Internet :/
“There haven’t been any real advances in science since the Victorian era when steam power came into vogue, and that is what my rocket is based on – STEAM POWER!”
Comment: Autodude17: Because steam worked so well for cars…
“Ever since ‘The Rocketeer’ movie, I’ve always wanted to be a rocket man. Not the rocket man that Trump was talking about, the kind of rocket man in Elton John’s song! ‘All this science, I don’t understand!’ His rocket man was a real blue-collar worker – just like me! Anyway, ‘The Rocketeer’ proved that man could fly with a jet pack powered by ‘old’ technology.”
Comment: Astronutz45: The moon landing was faked!
“So here’s the rocket that’s going to take me to the Flat Earth Dome! So, I am no engineer because, SCIENCE! But I did a lot of reading on steam power, man it must’ve been like 30 graphic novels, and I figured that I could build anything and power it with steam. I don’t know how to use a forge, and gears are outside of mu purview, but I did find some amazing pressure cookers on sale at Wal-Mart. Thanks to all of the backers of my project, I’ve been able to… Just a minute…”
Comment: CTFE4ever: They sealed it shut!
“Let me get this flap down…”
Comment: RocketBuilder56: That’s good construction! It’ll withstand the rigors of the launch.
“Ahh! There it is! Using the power of steam, I have plugged in these pressure cookers and rigged them so each row releases its pressure simultaneously. I’ve got 5 rows of 6 pressure cookers each, and they should get me to the top of the dome. I’ve done the calculations and they’ll release a lot of pressure! I don’t know exactly how much because I’m not a mathematician, but it’s a lot.”
Comment: CarpetCleaner345: The power of steam!
“Now, I’m ready! I’ll just climb into the cockpit and be on my way. Let me just reattach… I’ll just put this flap… You know what, I’m going to have to get a wrench. They’re at home…”
Livestream ended…
This is purely written as a parody. Any reference to people living or dead is purely coincidental. The Illuminati, lizard people and Templars do not exist. That’s what we want you to believe.
Author's note: This story was rejected by 7 different publications. Most rejections are form letters. However, one publication said this was a cute concept, they liked my experimental style and it's a funny look at a particular worldview. Unfortunately, the story lacked arc and resolution and falls flat.
I didn't find another publication where I thought this would fit, so it's here now. Thanks for reading. If you'd like to read more check out the other stories on this website or get a book in the footer.
I didn't find another publication where I thought this would fit, so it's here now. Thanks for reading. If you'd like to read more check out the other stories on this website or get a book in the footer.
